Last weekend, I threw my twin and myself a 21st birthday. Just like our birth, we were slightly premature in our plans, however due to a very busy December with the wedding of a dear friend and my beautiful Nieces birthday (which so happens to have over taken my own).

Two weeks prior to the event I started nutting down my ideas, and creating the aesthetics for our party. 

It is extremely hard to plan an event that both my twin brother and I enjoy, due to our rather significant difference in personality, taste and even diplomacy. However,  taking into consideration my brothers taste I decided that we would go for a more relaxed gathering, than 'party'. 

My sister and I grabbed our crocheted blankets (which, by the way, we spend TEDIOUS hours creating this winter), our pillows, and spare furniture and headed outdoors. 

For decorations, I grabbed the mix match pottery and utensils that we have accumulated over the years and brought the out to see the sun again. That simple, and even more effective than easy plastic plates and cutlery.

I grabbed a book which I had picked up from an op-shop several years ago, recognizing the author and not realizing that it was actually a book I already possessed... just in Romanian? I bought cheap ribbon, cut triangles out of the confusing pages of gibberish and made some bunting.

I baked some goodies as well as some basic meals, including vegetarian options for the more vegetable inclined people like myself and wallah, a backyard was transformed into a cozy hang out session with back ground music and an endless supply of food and beer.

For planning this whilst also undertaking my full time job which, I might add, required several days of over time (how unfortunate!) I'm quite happy. Throwing a party wasn't very hard at all. 

We tried to aim at a wide range of ages, to include my grandparents to my 11 month on niece. There were seats for the more seaty inclined and rugs for others. We had friends from childhood, school, high school, uni, work, and family there. Everyone mingles, ate and drank and well... It was nice to see everyone together for once. 

This day made me very happy.

Fathers day 2012

Typically, fathers day is one of those… more so dreaded weekends of my year. It is a lovely reminder of what was, what happened, and the choices people have made that will leave many others broken for the rest of their lives. Each year on this day I am reminded that rather than wanting anything to do with me, my father drank at the pub.

But this year holds something very special for my family. This was my nieces first fathers day, and boy did she make an impression. These cute little photos are a glimpse of what was once dreadful and hard, to something of joy and pleasantness. A very happy fathers day to newest and perhaps only dad in my family Benny. I hope you had a lovely day.

 My little Soph made her first artworks out of edible paint (incase she got curious and decided to eat it)

She may have also painted herself along the way.

 She managed to paint more of the bath than the actual paper so there are more so prints of artworks made on the bath floor

 Up nice and early, mumma n Soph hung up a happy fathers day surprise for Benny when he got up

 She's showing of the card

Benny, I thank you for being such an amazing Father to my niece and Husband to my sister! Thanks for passionately wanting a role within your daughters life and ensuring that you both have a relationship. Thank you for having play dates with Soph, allowing Zizi to have some alone time, and thank you for leaving your work at work, and coming home to give your family all your love and attention!

I'm starting a new project.
Yes I know that I do start a lot of projects, but hey we have to entertain and occupy the restless soul.

This project is titled, 'oh, the people you will see'.
The basics behind this project is that as much as I can, I am going to be drawing/documenting different types of people that I see in my day to day life. I find it quite bizarre the amount of people that we come into contact with every single day, yet pass them off as mere extras as if we were the star of the Truman Show. But no, thats not quite right. For the amount of people that we do see everyday, there are thousands if not millions of stories that have created their entire being. Occasionally I find my self, and if you are slightly put off by this I do not blame you, imagining their (as in the random strangers I meet) life stories.

Bill Frank Smith over there was born in to a low class family which was struggling financially because his father was a jobless alcoholic. He, though, in spite of his father, strove to make something of himself so that he could defy the stereotypes of our society and our class bondage, and thus be able to adequately provide for his family as his father could not. Bill is now a lawyer who is so successful that he now does pro-bono for the lower class of society. 

or

Jill Elizabeth White's cat died today. She was awfully fond of that cat, so she isn't doing too well.

I hate the fact that I can go through a whole day, being completely submerged in myself that I fail to even notice those around me. The way they dress, their hair, their stance, their stride- everything speaks of a life and story un told.

I want to draw as many people as I can. People who will one day amount to nothing more than the people that they are.

Everything will be cartoon style, though I do not make any promises of grand works as I am but a mere human. But I will carry around my little book and document  different aspects of strangers. Then one day when I have some cats of my own I will look through my collection and be glad that I have been blessed to see so many different types of people.

If you want to be part of this project feel free to let me know and I'll see if I can draw you up :)

This is in no way intended to be stalker-ish in any way, shape or form. Rather it is a unique form of documentation where ones privacy is are maintained.

I have finally finished my little blanket. Countless episodes of numerous tv shows and many a night of being rugged up and watching movies have contributed to the production of this blanket. From the lounge room of Zoe's house in Robbertson, to my sisters houses both in Lithgow and Wellarawang, to my cold and icy home in Sydney, these squares have come. This is the first blanket I have ever crocheted in my life.
Now finally after a long night's episode of waking and sleeping with a drying baby, to an extremely early morning followed by a complete house clean up/ rearrangement I am finally sitting down and drinking a well deserved mocha. Let's hope I can make it through tonight wide-eyed and alert.

Being A Twin

A lot of people ask me when they find out that I am a twin firstly, are we identical and secondly do I like it? I guess for me it has always been a given, I have a twin, there's nothing weird or different about that. But as the years have progressed it has become so much more apparent the uniqueness of our bond.
We have spent nearly every single important moment in our lives together. I am so intimately bound to him that I cannot picture life with out having a twin. It is different for us though, being different genders and all. We somehow manage to complement each other, where I am loud he is fairly reserved, I'm often irrational whereas he is the voice of reason, I fluctuate between moods at a rapid pace whereas he tends to radiate on a steady balance; I make him step out of his comfort zone whereas he is my voice of reason and steady hand telling me when I need to back down.
Up until only a few years ago we very rarely 'got along'. We were in the same year at school, and me being super competitive, managed to shine whilst I pushed him into the shadows. I was always aggressive in our arguments often using my wit (yes believe it or not I do have some) to out smart him. We didn't get along with each others social groups, in fact some people only came to realize that we were even related when we were in year 12. I saw him as someone who was dorky and annoying and perhaps occasionally weak whereas he perceived me as being bitchy, loud, obnoxious and completely self obsessed.

It has only been in these past few years that we have actually started to appreciate each other. I mean yeah we were in the same classes all the way through schooling, and we shared a birthday, we even had a hole on the exact same tooth in the exact same place, but we never clicked until life got harder.
We have, not a disability, but an exposure and a genetic make up that is at risk of depression. We have both been hit with it at different stages yet somehow this mental state, rather than pushing us away from each other even more, has drawn us closer together than ever before.
There was a very hard time a few years back where I gave all I could to see my brother be okay to the extent that it broke me; that was the first time he ever cradled me in his arms and promised to protect me, and promised that he would change. And from that moment on things did change. He progressively fought and was able to reach a sustainable mental level where he would share with me his mental state. We walked through that together for a while. Then we both got jobs and I moved away.
I would not say that my mental state is inextricably tied to his, for it isn't, but if my twin isn't doing to well than 99% of the time neither am I. A few months into working at our new jobs my brother found out he was being let go. This broke my heart, however I had to remain the strong foundation to my twin who now wasn't sure what to do with life at all.
Time passed and my state progressively worsened, however I didn't let that on to anyone within my family. It reached the stage at the beginning of this year where I was no longer the person I once was; I could hardly function as a person at all. After a series of events I landed myself jobless, homeless, I lost my closest friends, and was hysterical. But there was my twin.
Not many... actually I could count on one hand the amount of people who know this... but during this time I cried out in pain and my twin brother held me. He held me so tight it would cut of my circulation. He didn't leave. Sometimes I cried for a few hours but he sat there holding me whilst I said some really unintelligible things (in retrospect some of them are quite hilarious!). He didn't let go even though he could have been doing a thousand other things like not supporting and holding down a very emotional girl.

My twin is my best friend. Yeah we are completely different, yet we have the same humor and are even becoming more and more a like. Now days we just hang out. He knows how to read me like a book as I do him. We support each other not only as siblings, but as people who know each other more than anyone else.
Being a twin has it's ups and downs, don't get me wrong. But I am so immensely blessed to have my twin!
People always wonder what its like in our home. Well to be honest with you... it's pretty much like hanging out with your friends. We don't ignore each other, actually we do our own thing and even include each other in it. We joke around, often at our mothers expense (sorry bout that) and we go for walks or go get coffee.

And finally for anyone who still may be confused as to whether we are identical I have one thing to say to you...  He's a guy, I'm a girl... I do not have a penis. (that should adequately answer your question)

Today's creation. At the beginning of this year my friend's mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. After the recent sudden loss of her father my friend now was confronted with another challenging trial. Her mum has just finished the most intense therapy's of her treatment and is still feeling pretty rotten from it's side affects. So I decided that I would do something for them. I'm not terribly gifted and financially apt at the moment, however, I can use the gifts that I do possess to encourage those in trial and need. So I bought four double ended knitting needles, some yarn and got going on a beanie for my friends mum for winter. A few centerlink calls and a few Gilmore Girl episodes later and the beanie was done. It's not that hard to do something for others! I would encourage you to look at the gifts you do possess rather than dwell on those that you do not, and do something positive with them. Cook, sew, write, knit, crochet, clean- whatever it may be… Even the smallest thing can encourage someone who is in such a horrible situation and give them joy and hope. So what are you waiting for? Go do something for someone else for a change! even if you don't gain from it, it far more worth it than just looking out for yourself!

It doesn't feel like this photo was taken 6 months and 1 day ago. This was the first time I ever held my baby boo niece. We [my sister, her husband, her friend lucy and a midwife] spent two days anticipating little boo's arrival. But for all that time she thought she would sit tight in the warmth of her mum rather than be born into the coldness of Lithgow. Yes a two day labor! After many hours of uncertainty and many events which were unexpected, little boo was safely delivered in hospital…. On my birthday. I truly believe the reason why she decided to not show for so long was so that she could share that special day with me and my twin brother.
It was the most surreal thing being there for most of the birth (until my sister was rushed to hospital). And oddly enough it didn't turn me off children at all. It was such a beautiful thing.

Well initially I thought I wouldn't be seeing much of little boo because I lived in Nowra, my sister lives in Lithgow and well I was flat out with a full time job. But as God does sometimes, he allowed certain events to take place which resulted in me 'living' at my sisters for a while. 

 My sister opened her home to me when I finally hit rock bottom. She was caring for a 2 month old baby, a sick husband, and me… who struggled to get out of bed everyday to face the world. Somehow with the added responsibility of looking after boo I was able to get out of bed and look after her, play with her and just be there for her. She always wanted hugs so it made me feel needed or important again. Boo will never remember this stage in her life but I will never forget it!

 A couple of months later I ended up at my sisters house again. I finally accepted that I could never go back to work where I did, and my mum and twin brother didn't know what to do with me so my sister rang me and called me to come stay at her house again. (yeah you can say my sister is amazing!) My mum drove me up to Lithgow from Sydney and when I got there Zizi and little boo were waiting for me! Boo had grown so much! She had her own little personality and she could tell the differences between different adults. Yet she still loved to be with me. This time though she had taken my room and I was moved to the study! (I actually didn't mind) But at 2 am in the morning, you could hear through the wall little boo talking to her self so much so that she would talk herself to sleep. This still makes me smile!

 Each morning I would wake up to my sister putting little boo on me after her fist feed of the day. By chance one morning as little boo was laying on my stomach she threw up… into my mouth. Yup. another special bond between us. I will have my revenge one day when she is not so fragile and irresistibly cute!

 Little boo started going to play groups where she thought my thumb was the most entertaining and delicious thing in the world! I never knew how strong baby's could suck! I swear she gave my thumb a hickey!

 As she has grown her personality has shone so much brighter. She is a little quiet one most of the time who has sudden outbursts of loudness. She always loved to close her fists (a trait I poses). She is quite inquisitive yet very sensible and cautious like her mum. She is not likely to do something is there is any risk. She loves to be held by her mum and me and she always loved cuddles. She is quite serious most of the time, yet sometimes she surprises you with her cheeky little grin.

Just the other day my sister told me that boo had started sitting up for herself and even started reading through catalogues. She definitely takes after her mum in that regard. Another trate she surprisingly has attained is that she is rather good and looking at the camera. She knows what a camera looks like and so she stares at it whenever she is near it. It makes it perfect for sneaking photo's because she is always attentive and ready! 

Now I know if you are reading this you are probably thing Oh my goodness she is a baby lover and is obsessed with little creatures. Surprisingly Sophie was the first baby I ever fell in love with. She kind of stumped my preconceptions about babies. She also helped save my life at a time when everything seemed hopeless. When times get tough and I really struggle I remind myself that I have to watch her grow up. I have to be there for her, just as she was some what there for me. I want to watch her eat dirt and learn to draw and write. I want to see her play soccer or dance and complete schooling. I want to meet her first boyfriend who I will of course threaten! and then I want to see her get married and then have little ones of her own. I want to see who she turns out to be… my little boo...

This is what I wake up to each morning. An old friend once gave me this curtain saying that it would 'bring light into my room... My room would no longer be dark but filled with radiant light' I kept the curtain and now every morning is a brand new day. When the sun rises it glazes through the lace and patterns my face. I love the sun! I love summer and heat! So every morning that I feel that sun I know that everything will be alright. When that sun doesn't shine I still wait in eager anticipation for the sun tomorrow.



It does make it slightly awkward changing at night though :/ I always pull a face out the window just incase someone is watching.

For the past two days I have been working at camp looking after little foster kids. One word I could use to describe it would be… Intense. but to sum up the entire weekend would be, worth every single second. These kids, with their various quirks were beautiful little souls who have been betrayed by their family. I don't use the word betray as a means of saying the parents maliciously treated their kids (although this may have been the case for some) but I say betrayed in the sense that their parents should have been the ones protecting them, not showing them how messed up the world can be.

The carers told me some of the kids stories, and as I heard them I saw them running around and my heart broke. I had so much love for them that I wanted to protect them from any further harm that life throws at them.

So we did craft, dancing, bush walks (the photo above is the little girls making their way through), chasing (not planned just happened because some kids love to run away) and A LOT of carrying!!! my muscles ache! The camp was full on.

I have such respect for foster parents. A lot of them have already been parents and their kids have grown up, are still raising their own children and some people have just opened up their homes to complete strangers. The kids they take in have been broken in so many ways and it is them who have to show the kids that they are loved and adored for who they are and they deserve to be treated with respect! They discipline with love, deal with the pain and fear and slowly nurture these broken hearts.

I'm not even going to go into my thoughts about the real parents because I don't them, I've never seen them, and I don't have the right to talk about someone I know let alone someone I don't. I also feel very passionate about protecting kids so anyone who puts a child at risk… it angers me lets just say.

But all in all it's got be thinking. To bring a child into the world is a realllly big responsibility. That is an eternal soul. A child that will go either to spend eternity in heaven… or one that will spend the rest of eternity in pain and agony; that's a huge responsibility. Not only that but a child NEEDS to be protected, but not smothered. I'm scared of having children because I wouldn't want to do something wrong. I wouldn't want to screw them up and have them spend eternity in hell. I would want them to always know they are loved, and I know that there are times when I am not loving at all. To be a parent is the biggest responsibility we can have.

I know I cannot control everything and don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to have kids, but I would hate myself so much if I screwed them over, didn't give them enough attention, wasn't good at being a parent. How do you know if you should have children?