Today's creation. At the beginning of this year my friend's mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. After the recent sudden loss of her father my friend now was confronted with another challenging trial. Her mum has just finished the most intense therapy's of her treatment and is still feeling pretty rotten from it's side affects. So I decided that I would do something for them. I'm not terribly gifted and financially apt at the moment, however, I can use the gifts that I do possess to encourage those in trial and need. So I bought four double ended knitting needles, some yarn and got going on a beanie for my friends mum for winter. A few centerlink calls and a few Gilmore Girl episodes later and the beanie was done. It's not that hard to do something for others! I would encourage you to look at the gifts you do possess rather than dwell on those that you do not, and do something positive with them. Cook, sew, write, knit, crochet, clean- whatever it may be… Even the smallest thing can encourage someone who is in such a horrible situation and give them joy and hope. So what are you waiting for? Go do something for someone else for a change! even if you don't gain from it, it far more worth it than just looking out for yourself!

It doesn't feel like this photo was taken 6 months and 1 day ago. This was the first time I ever held my baby boo niece. We [my sister, her husband, her friend lucy and a midwife] spent two days anticipating little boo's arrival. But for all that time she thought she would sit tight in the warmth of her mum rather than be born into the coldness of Lithgow. Yes a two day labor! After many hours of uncertainty and many events which were unexpected, little boo was safely delivered in hospital…. On my birthday. I truly believe the reason why she decided to not show for so long was so that she could share that special day with me and my twin brother.
It was the most surreal thing being there for most of the birth (until my sister was rushed to hospital). And oddly enough it didn't turn me off children at all. It was such a beautiful thing.

Well initially I thought I wouldn't be seeing much of little boo because I lived in Nowra, my sister lives in Lithgow and well I was flat out with a full time job. But as God does sometimes, he allowed certain events to take place which resulted in me 'living' at my sisters for a while. 

 My sister opened her home to me when I finally hit rock bottom. She was caring for a 2 month old baby, a sick husband, and me… who struggled to get out of bed everyday to face the world. Somehow with the added responsibility of looking after boo I was able to get out of bed and look after her, play with her and just be there for her. She always wanted hugs so it made me feel needed or important again. Boo will never remember this stage in her life but I will never forget it!

 A couple of months later I ended up at my sisters house again. I finally accepted that I could never go back to work where I did, and my mum and twin brother didn't know what to do with me so my sister rang me and called me to come stay at her house again. (yeah you can say my sister is amazing!) My mum drove me up to Lithgow from Sydney and when I got there Zizi and little boo were waiting for me! Boo had grown so much! She had her own little personality and she could tell the differences between different adults. Yet she still loved to be with me. This time though she had taken my room and I was moved to the study! (I actually didn't mind) But at 2 am in the morning, you could hear through the wall little boo talking to her self so much so that she would talk herself to sleep. This still makes me smile!

 Each morning I would wake up to my sister putting little boo on me after her fist feed of the day. By chance one morning as little boo was laying on my stomach she threw up… into my mouth. Yup. another special bond between us. I will have my revenge one day when she is not so fragile and irresistibly cute!

 Little boo started going to play groups where she thought my thumb was the most entertaining and delicious thing in the world! I never knew how strong baby's could suck! I swear she gave my thumb a hickey!

 As she has grown her personality has shone so much brighter. She is a little quiet one most of the time who has sudden outbursts of loudness. She always loved to close her fists (a trait I poses). She is quite inquisitive yet very sensible and cautious like her mum. She is not likely to do something is there is any risk. She loves to be held by her mum and me and she always loved cuddles. She is quite serious most of the time, yet sometimes she surprises you with her cheeky little grin.

Just the other day my sister told me that boo had started sitting up for herself and even started reading through catalogues. She definitely takes after her mum in that regard. Another trate she surprisingly has attained is that she is rather good and looking at the camera. She knows what a camera looks like and so she stares at it whenever she is near it. It makes it perfect for sneaking photo's because she is always attentive and ready! 

Now I know if you are reading this you are probably thing Oh my goodness she is a baby lover and is obsessed with little creatures. Surprisingly Sophie was the first baby I ever fell in love with. She kind of stumped my preconceptions about babies. She also helped save my life at a time when everything seemed hopeless. When times get tough and I really struggle I remind myself that I have to watch her grow up. I have to be there for her, just as she was some what there for me. I want to watch her eat dirt and learn to draw and write. I want to see her play soccer or dance and complete schooling. I want to meet her first boyfriend who I will of course threaten! and then I want to see her get married and then have little ones of her own. I want to see who she turns out to be… my little boo...

This is what I wake up to each morning. An old friend once gave me this curtain saying that it would 'bring light into my room... My room would no longer be dark but filled with radiant light' I kept the curtain and now every morning is a brand new day. When the sun rises it glazes through the lace and patterns my face. I love the sun! I love summer and heat! So every morning that I feel that sun I know that everything will be alright. When that sun doesn't shine I still wait in eager anticipation for the sun tomorrow.



It does make it slightly awkward changing at night though :/ I always pull a face out the window just incase someone is watching.

For the past two days I have been working at camp looking after little foster kids. One word I could use to describe it would be… Intense. but to sum up the entire weekend would be, worth every single second. These kids, with their various quirks were beautiful little souls who have been betrayed by their family. I don't use the word betray as a means of saying the parents maliciously treated their kids (although this may have been the case for some) but I say betrayed in the sense that their parents should have been the ones protecting them, not showing them how messed up the world can be.

The carers told me some of the kids stories, and as I heard them I saw them running around and my heart broke. I had so much love for them that I wanted to protect them from any further harm that life throws at them.

So we did craft, dancing, bush walks (the photo above is the little girls making their way through), chasing (not planned just happened because some kids love to run away) and A LOT of carrying!!! my muscles ache! The camp was full on.

I have such respect for foster parents. A lot of them have already been parents and their kids have grown up, are still raising their own children and some people have just opened up their homes to complete strangers. The kids they take in have been broken in so many ways and it is them who have to show the kids that they are loved and adored for who they are and they deserve to be treated with respect! They discipline with love, deal with the pain and fear and slowly nurture these broken hearts.

I'm not even going to go into my thoughts about the real parents because I don't them, I've never seen them, and I don't have the right to talk about someone I know let alone someone I don't. I also feel very passionate about protecting kids so anyone who puts a child at risk… it angers me lets just say.

But all in all it's got be thinking. To bring a child into the world is a realllly big responsibility. That is an eternal soul. A child that will go either to spend eternity in heaven… or one that will spend the rest of eternity in pain and agony; that's a huge responsibility. Not only that but a child NEEDS to be protected, but not smothered. I'm scared of having children because I wouldn't want to do something wrong. I wouldn't want to screw them up and have them spend eternity in hell. I would want them to always know they are loved, and I know that there are times when I am not loving at all. To be a parent is the biggest responsibility we can have.

I know I cannot control everything and don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to have kids, but I would hate myself so much if I screwed them over, didn't give them enough attention, wasn't good at being a parent. How do you know if you should have children?